IsoLaTeD

lonely, im so lonely, i have nobody for my own?? ermm, so meaningful lagu akon tu kan? rite now i just can feel the loneliness and emptiness life of mine,,desolated, forlorn,forsaken, frenless, isolated, solitary,,,,what else can i describe my condition rite now? how can i felt this way? where did it begin? im working at one of the banks where i have no one there,,,far from my frens, far from my best bebs...my life change ever since,,totally changed and keep on adjusting and amending..well, evryone does kut,,tapi mine is so much different, becoz im changing alone without anyone else besides me, no one, no one at all...im hepi for my other frens,,,senah, ashie and all the rhb collegues,,,they sure do happy rite now,,,raihan, ieta, yann, azah and all the pricewaterhousecoopers group,,,..im happy for them, really i am,,sumer berjaya dalam kerjaya masing2...but deep inside, my heart is crying,,,only god knows how much i miss them...today, i had lunch with syadam, we talked and laughed as usual but still sedih susah nk jumpa after this,,,shes going to work with citibank,congrates to her,she deserves that...yep, we were talking abt life, career and SCANDALS,,hehe...oh how much i love gossiping with my frens,,,izza will start working early this july at PnB, congrates to her also....Razif is going too, leaving for US mid this august, so proud of him, tercapai gak impian nak buat master,,,congrates and all the best to razif...fizah dah setahun kat audit firm and keep on struggling, july the 5th start kelas ACCA, gudlak awak, pape nnti awak ajar kite...n shes counting the days untuk makan nasi minyak??? hehe, semoga panjang jodoh ngn encik rasydan...im, fog n dug still ade one sem to go, all the best guys,,,slow and steady, ...i miss azri, one of my best bebs, my sharing birthday partner,,dunno where did it went wrong, never seen him quite sometimes, maybe he hates me, maybe im not a good fren to him,,,evrytime i think of him, ill surely do cry n it makes me sick all the time,,,ive tried hard enuff to mend the broken frenship but he refused to see me or talk to me as usual,,so azri, im leaving all behind, cant afford to manage another sadness, just take care of yourself, memang masing2 ade problem2 masing2, terpulangla nak jauhkan diri ke ape ke, its ur rights, gudlak dengan final year project...to azril azwad, my longest best boy- fren, thanks for ur frenship...we fought like hell, we cried, we laughed, we loved each other all the time....rapat, gaduh, rapat, gaduh n still kawan...thanks la,,,ive always loved u n semoga ape yg ko inginkan dlm hidup ni akan tercapai, tak kisah la bila pon, one sem to go, pull all the strength inside u and succeed!! i dunno where does this life of mine will lead, i really dunno where it will go,,,if only i could have one wish, just one tiny wish,,,,i would wish for my dad n mum's hug and kisses....the tears running so fast that i need to stop typing,,,to all my frens, I love you...

thank god its weekends!!!

evry seconds in my life rite now im hoping towards weekends,,that tough huh?? well, i felf so much pressure working this time, duno why..so, i am really an executive rite now, an automobile finance executive,,,first week of my working days, ive been instructed to be one of the processing and marketing executive,,they really hope that i can replace one of the talented officer that has been transferred to seremban,,,logic ke nk jadikan aku betul2 expert cam exec yg dh 8 tahun keje tu?? i dun think so in a week i can manage to do it,,at least gimme some time la...emm basically jadi processing exec ni u have to process the car loans comin in from dealers...first, check details of the customer, do all the checking abt the customers credits, personals n evrything ( jaga baik ar sape yg ade akaun kt bank nih, abih sumer aku tau, hehe) but its still P n C ( private n confidential )...then, interview the customers, this job is very difficult la, if dpt customer yg remeh temeh mati ar kena maki hamun, nk tanak, its our bank's procedures, i kena buat jugak by hook or by keruk,,,,,after that i can make by recommendations whether or not to give loans to the particular customers...basically thats it, sounds easy but its not actually....usually kalu dapat sekali 5-9 applicants each day, u can get so tired, annoyed, mad n evrything in similar meanings...belom sempat i betul2 nk master in this thing, dah ade reschedule of management, in july i need to replace a senior exec bahagian SECURITY pulak,,,DAMN la...ramai yg marah i kena tarik ke bahagian security pulak,,ehmm,,,dunno la whats goin to hepen next,,,in the mean time, buat ajelah ape2 yg disuruh, cari experiences sebanyak mana boleh,,dunno exactly what are the jobscopes in security dept pulak, wait till july la,,emm today is saturday, rase happy jer,,im enjoying evry seconds of my weekends,,although duduk2 lepak aje kat umah really helping build up my mood again,,tgk alias, dawson, doramas, emm im loving it..tapikan im starting to worry abt one thing: MY HEART IS EMPTY!! tiba2 rase like kosong n no feelings at all,..i dun have the feelings i used to have back then,,the feelings to love, to like a person,,,,maybe, theres sumthing besides all these, be patient sakura cha.....

first day at work

its been a while since i last wrote,,busy with job hunting stuff,,,well today is my first day of work,,first employment, first experience working after graduated fr iium,,.nearly 2 months im unemployed bt alhamdulillah ive secured a job now..i'm working with one of the banks in kuala lumpur, located at medan tuanku 1, jalan sultan ismail..emm, i was shocked like damn on my first day at work..first, i am the only fresh grad, most of them were 4-5years experienced executives...n sumernya 26 tahun ke atas,,,emm, will i survive there? just hoping for the best la rite now..only 30% of the candidates were successful during the interview, n i am one of them, syukur pada Allah,,,all the staffs were shocked also that i'm a freshgrad n 23years old? diorg kate i ni budak lagi,,,huaaaaa,,,,kecik hati..tapi its ok, i'll try my best to cope with the job,,they said i'm very lucky to have the job, ramai lagi yg unemployed...betul, i syukur pada Allah..just feeling so tiny n small, no frens yet, new environment, new people,,,but thats the circle of life rite? i just have to hang in there patiently..emm, miss my mum n dad, wish so much they are here with me,,,,about the jobscopes maybe next time i'll write...gettin tired n exhausted..gudnite

thank you...

I thought that I could always count on you
I thought that nothing could become between us two
We said as long as we would stick together
We’d be alright
We’d be ok

But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again
So thank you for showing me
That best friends cannot be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had
You can have them back

I wonder why it always has to hurt
For every lesson that you have to learn
I won’t forget what you did to me
How you showed me things I wished I’d never see

When the tables turn again
You’ll remember me my friend
You’ll be wishing I was there for you
I’ll be the one you miss the most
But you’ll only find my ghost
As time goes by
You’ll wonder why
You’re all alone

Please...

Please,,,
i said to her
dun leave me

Please,,
i said to her
always be with me

Please,,
i said to her
dont close your eyes

Please,,
i said to her
dont sleep too long

Please,,
i said to her
dont stop talking

Please,,
i said to her
look at me

Please,,
i said to her
say you always love me

Please,,
i said to her
don't leave daddy

Please,,
i said to her
forgive me

Please,,
i said to her
don't say goodbye

Please,,
Mummy
Don't leave me,,
Please
Mummy
Don't die..
But Mummy left,
Eyes closed peacefully,,,
~Al-Fatihah~

selamat tinggal kenangan...

dengan hati yang gembira
aku melangkah megah menuju ke A & R
dengan rasa syukur aku bergegas mengisi borang
dalam hati tuhan saja yang tahu
betapa gembira akhirnya
tamat pengajian

kali terakhir aku melangkah ke finance division
kali terakhir aku melangkah ke perpustakaan
kali terakhir aku melangkah ke mahallah safiyyah
kali terakhir juga aku melangkah ke security division

dalam kegembiraan pada wajah yang aku pamerkan
tiba-tiba terasa satu perasaan yang mengharukan
seluruh tubuhku rasa kaku
anak tekakku kering dan terus membisu

aku melihat ke kiri
aku melihat ke kanan
lalu aku tunduk
menahan pilu dan sendu
selamat tinggal kenangan....

hati ku bagai dirobek tatkala kakak secutity dengan tidak menahan menggunting card matrik ku,,,huaaaaaaaaa......kad matrik dah kena potong,,,,,sedih la pulak,,,,,IIUM, adakah kau akan merinduiku tatkala aku mengharungi dunia pekerjaan? perkahwinan? kekeluargaan? kematian? walaupun tiada jawapan yang pasti, namun aku pasti akan merinduimu IIUM....heheheh,,

Alhamdulillah, syukur pada Allah..

Kehadapan Mu ya Allah, aku mengucap syukur
Kehadapan Mu ya Allah, aku memohon ampun
Kehadapan Mu ya Allah, aku berdoa
Kehadapan Mu ya Allah, aku berharap
Kehadapan Mu ya Allah, aku berusaha

Kadangkala aku alpa pada dunia yang sementara
Kadangkala aku leka memuji mumuja dunia
Kadangkala aku putus asa dengan kegagalan yang ada
Kadangkala aku marah dengan kekurangan yang tersedia

Namun aku kembali pasrah dengan ketentuan Mu
Namun aku kembali yakin dengan janji janji Mu
Namun aku kembali setia pada kasih sayang Mu
Namun aku kembali cinta pada agama Mu

Ya Allah Kau Maha Pemurah, limpahkanlah rezekiMu padaku
Ya Allah Kau Maha Penyayang, selimutilah aku dengan kasih sayangMu
Ya Allah Kau Maha Pengampun, maafkanlah dosa dosaku
Ya Allah Kau Maha Pembimbing, pimpinilah aku ke jalan yang benar

Aku manusia biasa
Penuh dengan kekurangan
Penuh dengan nafsu dan godaan
Ada kalanya aku leka
Ada kalanya aku terlupa
Namun Kau sentiasa ada
Namun Kau sentiasa menerima

Kepadamu Ya Allah
Sedaya upayaku agamu kupelihara
Kepadamu Ya Allah
Seadanya kasih sayangku ku beri padamu
Kepadamu Ya Allah
Aku cuba tidak leka
Kepadamu Ya Allah
Ku kupanjatkan setinggi tinggi syukur

These words are my own, lahir dari ujung jantung, pinggir hati, thanks to Allah, ive passed my exams, thanks to Allah, ive managed to grad, thanks to Allah, i'm still alive,,thank you Allah

big frustration

today supposely the result for sem 2 2004/2005 was out but it turned to be another way round..oh god, ive waited patiently for today's result and got damnly frustrated by the system network of iium,,last thursday, some of the students got access to their result in the morning for dunno what reasons and there were speculations about this issue,,,today on the other hand, result suppose to be out at 4.30pm but now its already 8.30pm,,,this one result will determine my future because it is indeed my last semester result,,i really wanna know whether i have to resit any papers,,god only knows how scared i am rite now n how this big frustration impact my whole mood today,,Later....